In all reality I am not one to really say what I think. If something is bothering me, I'll let it eat at me for days and then just let it go; I never address it. I used to think I never had a problem with just spouting off at the mouth what I thought or was thinking but when I dig deep down in my memory, that really isn't true. Things ate at me for a long time and maybe that's why I just hate people; I was always afraid to hurt them.

Since I've been home incredibly sick all week, I've been pondering crazy amounts of shit... in between all my sweet naps of course.

There are people I don't even know anymore. They have changed so much. It's almost like, "Wow! Who the hell are you?"
There are others I would have been able to completely trust, now if I had big enough balls, I would just come out and tell them, "you can't be trusted, relied on and you're definitely not dependable".
What a horrible thing knowing that those are not qualities in someone that played a strong role in your life.

When confronted, I make excuses because I don't want to hurt other people's feelings but that is completely dishonest in itself. I'm just straight up looking the person in the face and lying. Yikes! The extent we go to spare people's feelings is absolutely ridiculous. What we do to spare our own feelings is absurd. We internalize, internalize, internalize!

Stress kills man! My winter is proof. I have never been so sick in my life. This insanity has to stop.

I'm moving to some small crazy ass tropical island, finding myself a hot cabana boy and starting over!